Thanks to Ludacris‘ terrible song Ho, the phrase “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” was born. I hate this saying and it is something that is completely untrue. Where does this hate and judgment come from? Are we as a culture so set in making others feel less about themselves in order to convince ourselves that we are better than we actually are?
One of the women I work with sat down in my office this week. She is getting married in a few months and there are still many details to finish planning out. She mentioned this “can you turn a hoe into a housewife” saying and we sat for a long while about what it personally means to her. This precious woman has been out of “the life” for almost a year and every day is a constant fight toward the new life she wants for herself and her future husband.
My friend said, “When someone comes out of ‘the life’, they need to reprogram their brain. They have to relearn everything. I had to ask myself personal questions like what my ideal type of guy even is? Do I want kids? What would my dream job be now that I can pursue any profession I want? What kind of friends do I want? I used to think I had friends in the life, but now I realize that they were just associates, wanting something in return.”
“Even in the life you have hopes of your partner and your life working out,” she said. “He’s your everything, you have to wholeheartedly depend on him for everything. On the streets, everything has to be ok with you, even if it’s not; you go numb after a while. You become everyone else’s fantasy. You quit using your real name. You take on a persona and eventually can’t even figure out how to turn it off.”
My friend continued, “And now that I found the man that I think I want to spend the rest of my life with, things changed. I am able to be honest about my past. The biggest fear for me was bringing my past into my present and future relationships. I am now discovering who I want to be and that is someone he can trust and care for. It was my job for eleven years, but in no way dictates who I am as a person.”
I am constantly inspired by the courage and bravery of the women I work with everyday. Comment below and share your stories of how you have overcome past trauma and have created a bright and promising future for yourself.